Thaïs Lenkiewicz

18/04/2021

I had to come off the ADHD meds (Concerta) and while I wait for a prescription of Elvanse (a different one) I’m experiencing the most manic-feeling day I’ve had for at least a month.

I felt like diarising a bit about what that’s been like.

If I were medicated I probably would have got on with the watercolours I’d planned. I would have knocked a bunch of them out and done the other stuff on my to do list.

I wasted a fair bit of time this morning with distractions while I got through some things I had to do (oops I missed ‘add upcoming events to calendar’ – and by upcoming I mean this week so I hope I don’t miss anything).

I made a few of these for a bit of a play

Then I went to watercolour but I had the thought to use a green pencil instead of regular graphite. I made a few.

Then I wanted to try another oil on aluminium painting but then I felt concerned about my ability to paint that finely in oil without medication. Obviously I’ve done that my whole life, but since I felt a bit shaky (physically) today I made a snap decision about the next meds to try and emailed the nurse.

I didn’t like the look of the worm painting I’d planned before either so I opened photoshop to make a new one based on the whorls of my thumb. But when I opened photoshop I noticed an old image I’d made for a drawing and thought it would work well as a painting. So I printed it, but then on finding I had no small square aluminium panels I messaged the artist Luke Roberts who I noticed uses them. He gave me some good leads right away and I bought something to try. (Jacksons – who I normally buy from have a nightmare system for the small panels.)

I thought about many ways in which I could run with pebbledashing standing stones.

• I could buy pebbeldash for dolls houses (I’ve seen it for sale once before) and use it on vintage photos of stones which I could set onto panels of cement.
• I could paint lifesize stones in landscape with pebbledash for the stones (landscape is painted)
• I went to the garden to see if there was anything I could pebbledash
• I looked at the front garden and imagined it with a pebbledashed stone circle
• I tried to think about how I could make a lifesize pebbledashed stone. What would I build it from? Chicken wire and modrock? Is that all too heavy for my studio? Would I regret making this? Would my partner be annoyed at my having made this? What is the burden of this object, on the balance, for the sake of a play.

I’ve thought about 2 zines that I’ve been wanting to make. I wondered if I should have some kind of crit for one. Partner suggested the zine about psychosis would be better not as a zine, but as a podcast or as a guest thing on someone elses podcast. He doesn’t like zines and thinks they’re a waste of time. Almost certainly true, but it’s that or nothing for me since that’s my means.

I liked the idea of making a blog post for an episode of a podcast that sounded just like a podcast, but probably only has the one episode. Or perhaps, who’s episodes are not tied together necessarily. Maybe there’ll be another episode one day, maybe not. It probably won’t be about the same subject. Will it have the same theme music?

I was wondering if these manic days are useful for shaking things up, now that I (hopefully) have the meds for proper functioning, is it ok to take holidays and see what happens? Or are these manic days completely useless. Are they full of dud ideas and wasted time. This blog may provide a reference for me to consider these questions when I’m medicated again or having a slower day.